I am. I can. I will. I do.

At the beginning of the year I set 4 goals for myself. Over the past few weeks as I went for runs I started to wonder if I couldn't check #3 off my box pretty early in the year. I decided to go for it this weekend since I was planning to run a 5k with WW pal Laurin (each running today, at our own homes). I made a playlist of some really killer songs that I know from experience get me really hyped up. I even put a specific song in the slot where I thought I would be pushing for the finish. Its fair to say I was pretty confident I could do it. Perhaps overly so. Around 24 minutes I hit a wall and I slowed down. It was brief, but impactful. 



Here is what I don't know, and I will never know. What would have happened if I just kept pushing and didn't allow myself that reprieve? Would I have made it in under 30? Would I have even made it in the time I did or would I have slowed down at another point? I don't know and won't know. And so as I sprinted towards the end, I did realize I wasn't going to get it, but I did keep pushing to finish as strong as I could. I finished in 30 minutes and 22 seconds. I am trying to reconcile the mixed emotions I have. Yup, I am proud. But I am also pissed at myself for slowing down. However I know I cannot undo that slow down, and I need to take in the joy of my accomplishment. Maybe you're wondering about when I ran before, and was running long distances, and if I have never run a sub-30 5k. I have done it ONCE. I was being paced by someone who was helping me get to that specific goal. And I never did it again. So. Being this close, when really I am just starting to run again is something I need to just appreciate and accept the joy of <3. 
I was so close. 
This is the face of appreciation for what I accomplished but also you can see the disappointment if you know its there. 

After the run I still had a 45 minute endurance ride on the schedule, but I knew I needed some time. I showered, put on fresh workout clothes to ensure I did the ride later, ate, putzed around in the kitchen, and sat on the couch. As I was scrolling instagram I saw that there was a live ride at 1:30PM with one of my favorite instructors, Christine D'Ercole. I decided I would take that ride, but not follow her cues, and just do what I needed to do for my endurance ride. 

I am so glad I did this. Christine is a professional cyclist, and just really makes me think on her rides. She is a certified bad ass and knows how to make someone feel strong and empowered. Her mantra is I am. I can. I will. I do. Those words are something I am really loving in these last months and something I find a lot of power in. She also always talks about feeling a hand on your back as you ride through challenges. Today as I was pushing through this ride, my legs feeling my new zones, and the morning run, I was just really in the zone with the music, and my thoughts, and when I was really starting to hit another wall Christine talked about visualizing an anchor at the top of the mountain, pulling you in (it was a climb ride), and feeling the hands on your back pushing you forward. And I just thought of mom. I've heard Christine say that many times, but this time something about it hit me. And I just felt her there with me so hard. And it just gave me what I needed to get through. I thought of how proud she would be of me, and all her girls, and how strong we all are. Shawn happened to be riding at the same time and so I texted her and she sent virtual hugs my way because while I did push through to finish, the thoughts combined with the music brought the emotional release that just happens sometimes when we are pushing ourselves physically or mentally or both.
April 2016

And so here we are. Another week down. Another week feeling strong and happy with the work I have put in and the results I am seeing. Thankful for the support along the way from so many. 

A few items of note to end on:

My 4 intentions I wrote about last week:
1. 6/7 blue dots: I got 5/7.
2. Strength classes (3-4 times a week, 20-30 minutes): I did 140 minutes of strength training, ranging from full body to arms to core. 
3. Real rest day: Took that on Monday. Taking it again tomorrow.
4. Build to 120 min endurance: Did 60 minutes today. 

Also, meet Bruce (cause baby I was born to run). My Peloton Tread arrived, after I waited mostly patiently (sometimes not so much) for 9 weeks. If you are wondering what is special about this Tread, there are a few things that stand out. First is the giant screen which allows me to take classes with all the amazing instructors. Second, it is a slatted treadmill. These are known to be better on the joints. Running on it feels like running on a cloud. Third, the increase for speed and incline are a completely unique design, and instead of being on the screen they are on the rails and are wheels you roll forward. Incredibly intuitive and easy to use. So, I'll leave you with a couple pictures of this beauty. Thank you all for reading! Have a great week!




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