That post race feeling

After my Olympic Distance tri this past weekend, I was on Cloud 9. For a couple of days. Its been awhile since I had that feeling though that sometimes comes a few days after a race. That feeling of moving slow towards getting back going again. That (dare I say) lack of motivation. The itching feeling of a lack of consistency after recovering for a couple of days. For me, that is all being compounded by a work trip, and some killer allergies that just have taken me out of my rhythm. 

I am working towards giving myself space with it. I think an aspect of this also is that after feeling what I gave on Sunday, and what it took out of me, part of me is doubting if I can do the 70.3 Or rather, do it well (by my own definition of well). How can I finish it feeling strong and like I emptied the tank, when I just did that and it was only half the distance? I can tell myself logically that I won't be going as hard since it will be longer. But I don't think I am yet at a place mentally to do that. 

But even if I can get to a good spot to think "yes, I can do 70.3", the idea of someday going a full Ironman now that just seems silly. And impossible. 

I think sometimes it may appear that I always have the motivation to get the workout done, to keep plugging away, to always do whats on the calendar. And honestly, I do typically. And so when I don't, I not only need to try to figure it out for myself, but I guess I feel the need to share it with others. 

Slightly switching gears but not fully, I am realizing that when it comes to swim workouts, the more complicated the workout appears, the less I want to do it. (This is partially true for bike workouts too) And do I think I need to talk to my Coach about this. When I see a swim workout that has a million different sets, paces, distances, drills - I just do not want to not do it. I think this is probably 2 fold as to why. First, I don't know enough about swimming to understand why all that complexity will be helpful. Second, I don't like to get things wrong, and so the more complex it is, the more chance I could do it wrong.

Switching gears again - after the race, I was (and still am) so happy with how I did. It was my first ever Olympic and I think I was pretty spot on with how I navigated the effort and paces I planned on. And so I am bothered by the fact that part of me lost some of that feeling when I saw pictures post race. I have without a doubt, gained weight since leaving WW. I knew it would happen. I also have gained a way better relationship with food. I don't have the anxiety or guilt that I used to have with certain things. But what I have now is moments were I am not confident in the way my body appears. And I want to tell myself it doesn't matter and that how my body performs is what matters. And I do believe that. But I don't always feel it fully, if that makes sense. So I think that tug is partially impacting this post race feeling too. 

Lots of things swirling in my brain right now. Lots of trying to give myself space to feel the feels, even when they are conflicting and confusing. Next weekend I have Tri Goddess Tri, and I am just needing to get myself in a good headspace for that race so I can destroy it.